


Tragedy

by cosmic_child



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Smut, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6269518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_child/pseuds/cosmic_child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I never believed in something like fate. Because the future changes every second, with every decision we make...</p>
<p>And what if there is a way to change the decision you already made?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Some strong wish can come true

I never believed in something like fate. Because the future changes every second, with every decision we make.  
If I hadn’t decided to send an application to exact this agency, I surely wouldn’t be in bed right now, with him and all this thoughts in my head.  
With pain I looked at Kamenashi Kazuya, who’s sleeping next to me. He looked so much older than 10 years ago, what only makes sense. But still…It scares me how everything changes, we aren’t the 20 years old teenagers anymore.  
We’re adults now and I didn’t like that. Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time, to the moments where Kazuya and I hid behind curtains to steel a kiss from the other, where we were still a six member band.  
I wish I could travel back in time, forcing the 25 years old Taguchi to swear to never leave Kat-Tun, not until all of us want to stop the activities as an idol.  
I wish I could travel back in time, to tell Koki how glad I am to have him as a friend, before he got kicked out and it got hard to contact him.  
I wish I could travel back in time, to tell Jin my true feelings about him going to America.  
I wish I could travel back in time, stopping the secret kisses between me and Kazuya, because today I know we’re just hurting each other. Even if he’s now sleeping peacefully next to me, his phone blinks showing that he got messages from his girlfriend.  
But everyone knows that changing the past is impossible, so I decided to close my eyes, enjoying the last night with him, the guy I fell in love with a long time ago, but will never be able to be together forever.  
When I felt the sunlight on my face, shining through a small gap between the curtains, I opened my eyes and saw the white ceiling and somehow it felt lonely around me.  
I looked to the side to notice that Kame is gone and with him the warmth which prevented me from freezing almost every night.  
It’s rare for Kame to disappear just like that, even if we decided this night to be the last one.  
After ten minutes I finally managed to get out of the bed…wait, the color of my walls is so white…and full of posters and why did I woke up from sunlight in my face anyway? The sun never shines through my window!  
“Maru! Breakfast!” I almost fall from my bed when suddenly a voice was heard.  
“Mom? Why is my mother here?” I asked myself, getting clothed and out of my bed really fast.  
“Wait…I know this room. Isn’t it my room back in my parents’ house?” Am I still dreaming? Why am I here? How did I get here?  
I was running the stairs down, asking those question in my head. When I entered the living room my mother greeted me with a smile. It was so awkward and it felt so real, I wanted to brush through my hairs only to notice there were almost no hairs, I mean there were enough hairs, but not as long as I used to have them.  
“You have to eat a lot today! Since it’s an important day for you right?”  
“Important day?” I asked because I still didn’t know what’s going on here.  
“Your break the records concert, remember?” Suddenly Yukiko was sitting on the table now too, looking at me with exciting eyes. Now I’m really confused, it all feels too real to be a dream.  
“Eriko is already in university.” My mother told me, probably she thought I searched for her and that’s why I looked so confused.  
“I see.” I mumbled eating the food my mother placed at the table now.  
Maybe everything will become clear when I go to the agency.  
On my way to the agency I looked around like I’m some tourist, everything was the same but different. For example the weather, if I remember the break the records concert was in July, July 2009, that would explain why it was like 20°C hotter than yesterday.  
But I can’t be in year 2009, that’s impossible. I have to get sure.  
On my way I stopped at a convenience store, taking a newspaper and start reading:  
‘168 death in a plane crash in Iran.’  
‘Japan midfielder Shunsuke Nakamura’s decision to snub a return to Yokohama and join Spain’s Espanyol left his boyhood club devastated.’  
‘Famitsu Awards Dragon Quest IX Perfect Score‘  
“All this news are from the” I looked at the date of the newspaper “2009, 15th of July” I whispered. That’s impossible, absolute impossible!  
I put the newspaper away, walking with faster steps now towards agency.

“There you are!” Our manager, well a younger version of him, run up to me and then pushed me to the little bus, standing there with open doors.  
“Let’s go.” He pushed me through the doors.  
“Maru there you are!” I was standing at the front of the bus, holding myself onto the first two seats when I saw them.  
My band members, all of them, sitting there with smiling faced. Somehow it was a picture I really missed and brought tears in my eyes.  
“Is everything okay?” Ueda asked me, with still long and brown hairs, I had to laugh, I forgot how cute he used to look.  
“He’s laughing so everything is okay.” That was the voice of Jin. “He’s probably scared because he knows that it will get high for him.” Now it’s Koki who’s laughing. It was like meeting the two after such a long time, again made tears their way in my eyes and I run toward them, taking Koki and Jin in my arms, giving them a strong hug.  
“Maru?” Koki tapped me on the shoulder and then I let go of them.  
“Jin.” I sighed.  
“Yeah?” He was confused, just like me.  
“Koki…” I whispered.  
“What is it?”  
“You…you’re blond.” I noticed and had to laugh again. All of them looked so different, just like seven years ago and it made me so happy.  
“Yucchi, are you really okay” On the seat behind Koki, the one next to the window sat Kazuya, looking at me with a worried expression. I had to smile at him, his hairs were longer and not as dark as now.  
“Yeah I’m fine.” I said and sat down on the empty place next to him.  
Junno and Ueda were sitting together on the other side, so we could easily talk with each other.  
“I’m so excited.” Junno said, leaning back against his seat. Junno, he looks so happy, it’s hard to imagine he’ll give up his precious smile.  
I don’t know if this is a dream or real, but when I really have the chance to change the past I will take it and try my best.  
But it won’t be easy, because my heart tries to break out of my chest when Kazuya took my hand in his, stroking with his thump over it while looking out of the window with an innocent expression.  
We arrived at the Tokyo dome and I can’t believe how everything just happens as I have it in my memories.  
We took our things out of the bus, I knew what kind of joke Taguchi will be doing in two seconds, I knew that only Koki will laugh about it, I knew that Jin will ask us if we saw his sunglasses and I know that in 3 – 2 – 1:  
“Ahh.” I run in front of Kazuya, opened my arms to catch him, because I could remember how he stepped on a stone and almost broke his foot seven years ago, causing all of us and especially me to worry.  
His face was just a few inches away from mine, I smiled at him and said: “You’re all right?” To be honest I felt like a badass hero right now.  
“Y-yeah thanks.”  
“Kame! Be more careful!” Jin scolded him. “I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Kame said and freed himself out of my arms.  
They all walked to the dressing rooms now, letting me behind.  
“I just changed the past, right? Actually Kame fell down and injured his foot a little.”  
I whispered to myself.  
“When it’s so easy I should start with the really important things. First Jin.”  
With this decision I followed my five band members into the dressing room. I will change the past and with that build a future where 6 member Kat-Tun still exists.


	2. Jin Akanishi

We were all in the dressing room, get changed and making some records for the DVD.  
I tried to remember what I did in the past but it was 7 years ago! So I just tried to be normal as possible, what wasn’t really easy.   
Just when I sat down on a chair to take a little break from acting like my 25 years old self, Kazuya came towards me with an unreadable expression.  
“Maru, you look so tired…” Kazuya noticed and kneeled in front of me.  
“I am a little.” I said. It was so strange, how Kazuya looked, his hairs, his clothes, his skin and how he talked, with a higher voice and more energetic.   
“Guess I’m getting old.” I joked even if it’s kind of true.  
“You sound like a 40 years old man. You’re only 25, cheer up!” Kazuya said with a smile and took my hand.  
“I want to show you something.” In his eyes appeared this shining light, which I know really well.  
“Now? Actually I wanted to talk with Jin.” I said and looked for him, it seems like he’s practicing his solo right now.  
“You can talk to him later, first I need you.” Kazuya said and pulled me out of the chair, he didn’t let go of my hand, directing me to a quiet corner, where no one passed by.  
He pushed me against the wall, his cheeks completely red, something which faded away in the future, and then kissed me.  
The way he kissed didn’t change though. His lips are moving over mine, slowly with a lot of feelings in it, while he put one of his hands on my stomach.   
He closed his eyes, before any tongues get involved Kazuya always wanted to feel only my lips first, sucking on them, nibble on them, driving me crazy with it, until finally he licks over them. I opened my lips.   
Our tongues met, giving me goose bumps, driving me crazy. I wanted more, but if I want us to be happy I have to stop this, before our desire for sexual satisfaction turns into feelings of affection and love for each other.   
But…Don’t judge me, but I’m a guy and Kazuya kisses made me horny as fuck. So I pulled him even closer, pressing our hips together, feeling the erection of Kazuya rubbing against mine.  
“We should do something about this.” Kazuya smiled. “Like this we can’t go back.” I nodded desperately. Cursed be my 25 years old body for getting hard so easily!  
I only heard Kazuya’s exciting breathing and our zippers get opened. Kazuya’s hand were cold and I jerked a little when he grabbed around my dick taking it out, then I did the same with his.   
If I remember right then the thing between Kazuya and me started maybe 8 years ago, so one year ago for my 25 years old self.   
Our lips met again. Kazuya started to stroke my length, sometimes with more pressure, sometime with less. It felt way too good to be a dream and if I cum now, then I’ll know for sure if this is a dream or not, because every time I have a sex dream I wake up before I cum, so annoying!  
I also started to move my hand up and down, feeling pre cum and my thump now and quickened the speed, making Kazuya moan into my mouth.   
We stopped kissing to look each other into our eyes. We always did that when we felt to be close, because we love the expression of the other when he’s finishing.  
Both of us had our mouth slightly open.   
“Maru…I’m going to-“  
“Me too.” I said fast and then came all over his hand, only few seconds after, Kazuya also finished.   
“Around the corner is a toilet, let’s get ourselves clean and go back to the others.” Kazuya said with a really relaxed voice. I nodded in approval and followed him.  
When we got back I spotted Jin, laughing together with Taguchi. I ran up to them, first Jin, I’ll handle the problem with Taguchi later.  
“Jin, can we talk please?” I asked him, what made him looked confused but he said: “Sure.”  
Taguchi took the hint and went to Ueda, letting Jin and me alone.  
“What’s wrong? You’re behaving so strange today.” Jin noticed.  
“It’s because I’m not Nakamaru Yuichi.” I explained, without knowing if telling him about me being from the presence, well for him future, would be a good idea.  
He started to laugh. “What do you mean with that?” I inhaled slowly, searching for the right words and then told him: “I mean I am Nakamaru Yuichi, but from the future, from March 2016 to be precise.” It wasn’t difficult to notice the confused face of Jin, but that didn’t stop me from going on talking. “I don’t exactly know how I've managed to travel back in time, but I know that I have to hinder some things, starting with you.” I got closer to him, trying to look as serious as I can.  
“You mustn’t leave us for having a solo concert in the U.S!” I said and then Jin started to laugh.  
“Did you hit your head? Or is it the fright for our concert today? Don’t be scared everything will be fine!” Jin tried to leave but I stopped him.   
“I didn’t hit my head. It’s true!” I said desperately, but Jin only looked at me, much more confused now and just went back to the dressing room.  
“Of course he wouldn’t believe me.” I sighed. “There must be a way to prove him…” I also went to the dressing room now, when I opened the door, my band members looked at me, like I’m crazy.   
“W-what?” Koki and Jin were sitting on the couch, Ueda on a chair with a guitar on his lap. Taguchi and Kazuya stood in the middle of the room. I closed the door and made one more step forward.  
“Maru…You know I like you but I think you should visit a hospital.” Koki said, interrupting the awkward silent.  
“What do you mean?” I asked.  
“Jin told us you’re claiming to be from the future.” Taguchi said now, causing me to look angry at Jin, who just shrugged his shoulders.  
“Okay guys, I know that sounds ridiculous for all of you, but I really am! I’m from 2016!” There’s no reason to denying it, so I just tried to tell the truth.  
“If that’s so then what’s the name of the song I’m writing right now? I didn’t show you guys yet.” Ueda asked me and I began to think.   
“It’s 2009 so maybe ‘Rabbit or Wolf?’?” Everyone was looking at Ueda now, who raised his eyebrows and said: “Correct.” I smiled triumphantly, but then Jin said: “That doesn’t mean anything, maybe he saw the sheets with the title before.”  
“And you don’t look like 32 at all.” Now it was Kazuya who spoke.  
“But it’s true. I’m coming from a fucked up future!” I got angry.  
“You’ll leave us for having a solo concert, impregnate your girlfriend and marry her without telling us!” I pointed to Jin.  
“You’ll violate the contract, what makes Johnny kick you out of the agency!” I pointed to Koki and then to Ueda: “And you’ll cut all of your hairs for a drama, running around with a bald head and after they grew you made them blond!” I had to say this, because god he looks so much better with his hair from 2009.  
“After Jin and Koki leave, we’ll go on as a 4 member Kat-Tun, but suddenly Taguchi” I pointed to him now. “You suddenly decided to leave too! That’s not how it’s supposed to be! At our 10 years anniversary we should be together, with 6 members Kat-Tun!” I screamed, but when I noticed the disturbing face of the other, I calmed down and waited for a response.   
“Ah I know!” Koki said now, making me hope that at least one of them believed me. “That was your last night dream right?” I heard my hope literally break into small pieces.  
“No. You have to believe me. Kat-Tun breaking apart…We have to prevent that! Please?” My voice cracked and tears burned in my eyes.   
“I believe you.” Kazuya suddenly said.  
“Really? Why?”  
“Remember when we got out of the bus? And I tripped over this stone? Before I was even near the stone you already got in the right place and opened your arms. Like you knew I wouldn’t see the stone.” I had to smile.  
“Yeah actually you tripped over it, injuring your ankle a little and causing all of us to worry.” I explained excited.  
“Kazuya…You’re joking right?” Jin asked. “Do you actually believe I would do something like this? Leaving Kat-Tun behind?”   
“And what’s with me? I would never risk losing Kat-Tun because I violated some stupid contract!” Koki said.   
“Then remember that in your future!” I said loudly.   
“Okay, if, IF!, all of what you said is true, then I promise I won’t stop using a condom!” Jin grinned, causing me to laugh.  
“And what about America?” I asked.  
“Well, I didn’t know until now, that I’ll have a solo concert there, so that shouldn’t be a problem.” Did I do it? Did I prevent Jin for leaving Kat-Tun?  
“I think you’re out of your mind.” Koki said and leaved the room.   
Okay first target done, now it’s Koki’s turn. I thought.


	3. Koki Tanaka

After Koki escaped out of the room, it remained silent until Tatsuya said something.   
“Nakamaru…is it really true? I mean it’s hard to believe, you know?” I nodded.   
“I know, I know. I can’t understand it either. I was in bed with-“ I looked at Kame, he raised an eyebrow and then I looked back to Ueda. “I was in bed, thinking about everything, thinking about how I want Kat-Tun to remain as the original Kat-Tun and when I woke up I found myself not in my apartment anymore, but in my parent’s house.” I explained.   
“You said I have a daughter…who’s the mother and what’s the name of my daughter?” Jin asked, causing me to press my lips together.   
“I don’t know if I should tell you.” I said.   
“Why?” Jin stood up, looking at me confused.   
“If I tell you, you’ll get attached to her and forget about Kat-Tun.” Why did I feel so horrible?   
“Do you hate my daughter?” Ah, maybe because I was an asshole.   
“What? NO! Of course not, she’s lovely and you’re a great father!”   
“Then why do you want to stop her birth?” Kazuya, Tatsuya, Junno und Jin were staring at me.   
“I didn’t mean that…” I whispered. “But…you love being a part of Kat-Tun, do you want to give that up?”   
Jin smiled softly, coming toward me. “Look, I’m only 24 and I don’t know what my future self thought, but if someone tells you: decide between your daughter and your work. Which one would you choose?” With that he leaved the room and I got his message. Maybe it was impossible to hinder Jin to go, he loves his wife and his daughter and I can clearly understand how you feel when you’re in love.   
“I can’t believe I cut my hairs, I mean all of them!” Tatsuya said now, but no one of us answered something.   
“Come Uepi, I think we should let Kazuya and Maru alone.” Taguchi took Ueda with him, closing the door of the dressing room, leaving Kazuya and me behind.   
“I’m still a little shocked.” Kazuya said.   
“I’m sorry.” I murmured. A small smile appeared on his face, he sat down on the chair where Tatsuya just sit and crossed his arms.   
“So you make out with guys who are ten years younger than you?” I realized what he meant, my head almost explode but then Kazuya started laughing.   
“Tell me about us. About us seven years in the future.”   
“I will.” I promised. “But first I have to find Koki.” Now I was leaving the dressing room too, closing the door and then leaned against it.   
Yes I was running away. I know that I have to tell Kazuya to end this kind of relationship between us, preventing us from getting hurt, but I was so fucking scared of losing him.   
“I need to talk to Koki.” I told myself and went to the stage. Staff were calibrating the light, the sound, the big display above us, just everywhere someone was doing his work. So it was kind of suspicious how I was standing on the stage, searching for Koki.   
“Nakamaru-san, is everything all right? Your last rehearsal will be in 20 minutes, you still have time.” A staff member told me and I just nodded.   
“I’m searching for Tanaka-kun, did you see him?” I asked.   
“Tanaka-kun? I think he went to the bathroom.”   
“Thank you.” I run to the bathroom but he wasn’t there, I also searched in the other two, but without success.   
“Where the heck is he?” I thought, but then I got an idea. I walked to the back doors of the Tokyo dome, opening one of them and spotted Koki. He’s sitting on the ground, a cigarette between his fingers and smoke coming out of his nose.   
“Go away.” He said with a cold voice.   
“I can’t. I don’t know how.”   
“Stop with this bullshit. Time traveling is impossible.” I sat down next to him, taking a cigarette from him. Actually I don’t smoke, but I had the feeling with this it would be easier to have a conversation with him.   
“I also thought so.” I said, inhaling the smoke, suppressing the urge to cough.   
“You don’t give up, do you?” That’s the first time Koki had something like grin on his face since I told them about me being from the future.   
“Okay, tell me. What have I done for being kicked out of the agency?” he asked.   
“I don’t know…there were many rumors and you never clearly told us. I remember how our manager wrote us a message, telling me, Kazuya, Tatsuya and Junno to come to the agency immediately. From the moment we noticed that you aren’t with us, we were worried and then we heard the message. Johnny ended the contract with you, kicked you out without mercy. I didn’t know what I should do, first we lost Jin and then you. We weren’t allowed to contact you either, it was a hard time for us.” Without interrupting me, Koki listened to me and when I was finished he closed his eyes and asked: “Do you know what happened to me? Do I have job?” I smiled.   
“Right now you’re the lead singer of your own rock band ‘inkt’. When we heard of that, we were all so proud of you and so happy that you went on with making music.”   
It remained quiet between us. We smoked and when we were finished Koki said: “Maru…don’t get me wrong, but I think you aren’t here to change the future.”   
“What do you mean?”   
“When you told about Kat-Tun losing 3 members in the future, I thought: what a horrible dream. But you also told about Jin having a daughter and a wife, about me having my own rock band and Tatsuya finally saying goodbye to his girlish look and all of that didn’t sound horrible at all.” I jumped up and shouted: “So you think Kat-Tun breaking apart isn’t horrible?!”   
“That’s not what I mean. But I think it’s a process, proving that time doesn’t stay still. All of us will become adults and I think you’re here to accept that part of our journey.” Koki also got up now.   
“Trying to change the past, is something you shouldn’t do.”   
“But I already did. With telling you about the future and nothing bad happened.” How could Koki talk like this? I always thought he loves Kat-Tun with all his heart and will be cooperating.   
“J-just try not to do anything stupid.” I said and went back in.   
My body felt weak.   
It was hard to stay on my two feet. Staff members were running around me, doing their job.   
But then everything around me slowed down, until everyone stood still, frozen like ice statues.   
"What the holy fuck?!" I looked around, tried to speak with them, but they didn't do anything, not even breathing, it's like time stood still.   
Wait, time stood still?   
"Maru..." I turned around, seeing Jin, Kazuya, Tatsuya, Junno und Koki stand there with worried but also surprised faces.   
"Are you doing this?" Kazuya asked. "No. I'm just as surprised as you are."   
"Why are you here again?" Jin asked.   
"Don't tell me you already forgot." I laughed.   
"He's not the only one...I forgot too." Ueda said now.   
"Wait what?" I tried to take a step toward them, but it was like I was glued on the floor, not being able to walk anymore.   
The eyes of my band members got pitch black. "Guys?" They didn't react, then everything got dark between my eyes. 

“Maru! Breakfast!” The dizziness from before disappeared and I opened my eyes.   
"Why am I back in my parents house?" I sighed, getting clothed and walked down the stairs.   
“You have to eat a lot today! Since it’s an important day for you right?” Oh no, don't tell me...   
"Important day?" I asked.   
“Your break the records concert, remember?” Again Yukiko was sitting on the table now. I couldn't believe it.   
"Yeah right, I have to go though. I'm late." I said, grabbed my things and leaved the house. This time I took the bus to the agency. On my way I took my phone, a old model, but it already had internet, and searched in google for 'time travel'.   
I read different sites until I found a certain word: 'grandfather paradox'. In wikipedia was a short description: 'The paradox is described as follows: the time traveller goes back in time and kills his grandfather before his grandfather meets his grandmother. As a result, the time traveller is never born. But, if he was never born, then he is unable to travel through time and kill his grandfather, which means the traveller would then be born after all, and so on.'   
I thought about the grandfather paradox. So if I would hinder Jin, Koki and Junno leaving Kat-Tun, I never had the desire to travel back in time and wouldn't probably be here. Maybe that's why I'm back at the beginning, because I'm not here for Jin and Koki.   
But maybe I can solve the problem with Taguchi, because even if he'll stay, I'd still have the desire to travel back in time for Koki and Jin, right?


	4. Taguchi Junnosuke

The whole time I played along, being as childish as I have to be, remembering about what we used to talk about and finally I could take a little break, sitting on the same chair like in the first time travel.  
“Maru, you look so tired…” Kazuya noticed (again) and kneeled in front of me (again).  
“I am a little.” I said (again.) I knew what will come next and even when my 25 years old –I-could-have-sex-every-day- body really gets excited by only thinking about the make out session with Kazuya in the lonely corner, I quickly stand up and told him that I have forgotten something in the dressing room.   
When I arrived there I noticed Taguchi sitting on the couch, with a DS in his hands.  
I closed the door, even locked it, what caused Taguchi to look up with a slight confused face.  
“Please don’t rape me, Kazuya would kill me.” I kind of tried to figure out if that’s supposed to be a joke or not, until I noticed…  
“W-why, do you think Kazuya would kill you?”  
“Ah, come on. Everyone knows about you and Kazuya.” Junno grinned. I had the feeling it would be smarter if I don’t ask why exactly he knows about the thing going on between me and Kazuya, so I just sat down, next to Junno and tried to find the right words to say.  
„Taguchi...You love Kat-Tun, right?“ He closed the DS and smiled at me: „Of course I love Kat-Tun!“   
„Then promise me one thing!“ It has to work, it just has to!  
„Okay...“  
„Never ever leave Kat-Tun!“  
He began to laugh and said: „What’s that kind of promise? Someday we have to end Kat-Tun, right? It’s not like we could still dance when we are 60.“  
„Yeah of course, but I meant it more like leaving and letting us continue without you.“  
„Maru, what’s going on? The whole day you behaved like you are someone else...“ Oh how right he is with this observation.   
„Okay, you want the truth about what’s going on? I’m from the future, march 2016. I’m from a future where Kat-Tun doesn’t exists as the original Kat-tun anymore. Jin left us, Koki had to leave us and now you’re leaving us. On our 10th anniversary! And that’ just wrong! And if I can’t stop Jin and Koki leaving Kat-Tun, then I will definitely stop you.“ So! I’m tired of telling the same thing again and again. I spoke fast, with only the most important information. Well known that Taguchi will think of me as a psychopath, maybe laughing at me or telling me to get more sleep, but I seriously don’t have the slightest idea what else I should tell him!  
„So I think...you take the games we play too seriously Maru...“ Taguchi said, causing me to roll my eyes and sigh.  
„You can think what you want. But...but...“ Think think think...What could change Taguchi’s decision?   
„Even when you think I’m crazy, could you do me a favor? I’ll make a video of you now, where you tell your future self why he should continue being a part of Kat-Tun, with all the members together.“ I took my phone out, tried to remember how to use such an old model.   
Taguchi thought about but then smiled and said: „Sounds like fun. Let’s do it!“  
I opened the camera and pressed the record button: „Now.“  
„Heeey, Taguchi-kun from 2016. I just wanted to remember you how you feel about Kat-Tun and about their precious members. If you ever consider to leave Kat-Tun, earlier than necessary then please think about how they became your family, how much you love and cherish them. You would miss them and you would also miss to sing and dance, you would miss to think about new jokes for making our fans happy. So please please please, don’t leave Kat-tun.“ I pressed the stop-button.  
„Perfect!“ His little speech brought me tears in my eyes and I tried to gulp them down.  
„Thank you-„ Suddenly I felt really sick, like I have to throw up, everything in the room began to move, I felt like I’m riding the roller coaster right now and in my heart I know what will happen next, what exactly caused the spinning, the screaming voice of Taguchi, asking if I’m okay. But I couldn’t answer him. Please don’t take me back. I don’t want to return. I pleaded.   
Then everything went black again.  
„Maru! Breakfast!“ The voice of my mother let me open my eyes, but this time, I wasn’t in my bed, I stood in front of it and in my bed was I, I mean the 25 years old Nakamaru Yuichi.   
He didn’t notice me, like I’m invisible or something, he got dressed yelled: „I’m coming!“ And entered the kitchen, yawning and ruffling through his short hair.  
It was like I was the audience of a boring theater show. I couldn’t leave the house thoughm when he did, so I walked around, observing my mother how she washed the dishes, until I was in the tokyo dome suddenly.   
Standing in the dressing room, watching Taguchi and me playing DS.  
„I wish it could always be like this. Have awesome concerts and play DS at the breaks.“ Taguchi said.  
„Seriously?“ My younger self asked now.  
„Yeah of course.“ It remain quiet, but then the 25-Maru closed his DS and leaned back.  
„Someday I want to have a family...“ Wait what? I said something like this?   
„You seem to be the type for having a family Maru.“ Taguchi laughed. „But I love my life as a part of Kat-Tun...“  
„But someday we’ll be older, maybe will think more mature...If you had to decide between your own family and your job, would you choose your job? 25-Maru asked.  
„I don’t know...I never thought about it...“ Taguchi murmured.  
„I’m sure there will be a time where being a Johnnys is only a job for us and when I notice my feelings turned out like this...I would stop, changing my perspectives...“ I stared at my 25-Maru with open mouth. I can’t remember telling something like this to Taguchi! The door to the dressing room opened and Kazuya entered with a big grin: „There you are Yucchi! I have to show you something!“ Oh please, I don’t want to see how Kazuya and I make up, that would be awkward!   
My 25-self nodded and followed Kazuya out of the room.  
„Why do they hurt each other like this?“ I was surprised by the question coming out of Taguchi’s mouth, it almost sound like he asked me and even if he did I wouldn’t have a clear answer.

Not Kazuya and I are hurting each other, it’s the love we feel for each other and the knowledge that being together will be something we could never have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not in my hometown right now, so this chapter is a little late and I promise the next chapter is full of KazuyaxYuichi acton ^o^


	5. Kamenashi Kazuya

I was invisible for everyone, I couldn’t touch them and they couldn’t touch me, I’m a ghost.  
With Taguchi’s question in my head I followed the 25-Maru and Kazuya, I found them kissing each other, hands disappearing under the clothes and I watched closely. It was a little awkward to see me kissing Kazuya but the look he had made me excited and I took a step closer.  
25-Maru sucked on Kazuya’s collarbone now, causing him to close his eyes, I tried to reach for him, but my hand just went through him.  
“Yuichi…” Kazuya moaned of pleasure, that’s what my 25-self thought, but then I could see Kazuya’s lips moving, forming the words ‘I love you’, but so quiet that I couldn’t hear them.  
I frozed, shocked about his confession.  
We never confessed to each other, I always thought of it as not necessary. We knew what we feel for each other but we also knew what problems occur with that.  
That’s why I was really surprised to see those three words on Kazuya’s lips.  
“Say something!” I suddenly told my 25-Maru, but of course he couldn’t hear me. “Fuck, stop moving your hands into his pants, until you tell him what you feel!” Instinctively I moved forward, to grab 25-Maru, shake and scream at him, telling him how stupid he…we are!  
It would be a big mistake if we end things without actually telling those three important things.  
But instead of grabbing him or moving through him, I suddenly got suckid in and the next thing I felt was Kazuya’s length in my hand.  
I was in the body of 25-Maru, I didn’t know how or why but I also didn’t care.  
“Yuichi? Why did you stop?” Kazuya asked me now. I took my hands out of his pants, for which I earned a kind of annoyed look and took his in mine now. Intertwining our fingers I first looked ony my shoes.  
“Yuichi? Is everything okay?” I looked up, stared at his lips and then in his eyes.  
“That might be sudden and totally at the wrong time, but honestly there might be never the perfect time, so I’ll say it now…or maybe I shouldn’t but I clearly know that I regret it, well in this time it would be better to say I’ll regret it. Fuck I’m really nervous right now and you’re looking at me like I’m a strange crazy person and maybe this would be a good time to finally woke up from this dream and why did all this happen in the first way-“  
“Nakamaru, you’re talking nonsense. What is it?”  
“I love you Kazuya.” I finally said and oh man am I nervous.  
“You do what?” he asked, sounding like he didn’t believe me.  
“I love you. I always did, the first time I saw you I knew I always want to be with you, first as a friend but now it’s more. But I know there’s no way we could be, but still…I would regret it my whole life long if I never tell you. So yup, here I am, both of us with open pants, telling you that I love you and asking you to be with me, like not only sex I mean the whole thing: Dates, kitschy messages, stupid selfies, sex and in fact sex with only each other and-“  
Kazuya chuckled, yep he did, I saw that. Don’t believe I didn’t saw and heard it!  
“You’re talking too much. Just a ‘I love you, please go out with me’ would have been enough.” He kissed me, when our lips separated again, he smiled and said: “I love you too.”  
I grinned. “I know.”  
“Then please continue now what you’ve started, boyfriend.” Just when I wanted to do Kazuya that favor I got dizzy again.  
I closed my eyes and many different pictures appeared in my mind. Pictures of Kat-Tun at the concert, singing, dancing and laughing together, me and Kazuya hiding behind the curtains and kissing us for the first time, Jin at the airport, flying to America, Junno in the hospital, Ueda shaving his head, Koki calling us while he’s drunk and so much more.  
I saw Kat-Tun’s whole past and when I opened my eyes again, tears were streaming down my face. It was dark, as I turned my head I saw the shining numbers of my clock, telling me that it was 2:08 am and then I felt Kazuya’s warmth against me again. “It was a dream.” I whispered.  
“Maru? Everything alright? Did you have a nightmare?” Kazuya asked my half awake.  
“Sorry, if I woke you. I’m fine.” I said and started to fondle his forhead until he fell asleep again. 

The morning was too quiet for me, Kazuya and I brushed our teeth without saying a word, we ate without saying a word and we drove to our destination without saying a word.  
Said destination was the last performance together with Taguchi at the music station.  
When we arrived the atmosphere were kind of gloomy. We gave our best to behave like any other day before an appearance but behind of our smiles we knew, that this was the end as the four of us.  
In the dressing room the smiles disappeared again.  
“Come on, today shouldn’t be like this.” I said now, yes I learned something from my weird dream last night.  
“Of course it’s sad that things turned out like this, but we can’t change that, trust me I tried.” Of course I only whispered the ‘I tried’.  
“We should smile, a honest smile, and have fun today, or we’ll regret it for the rest of our lifes.” Three pair of eyes were looking at me and then Tatsuya began to laugh: “You sounded like a life coach.”  
Kazuya and Junno started laughing too.  
“I also thought that.” Kazuya said and Junno nodded in agreement.  
“W-well I’m sorry for trying to cheer you up.” I pouted.  
“It’s okay we forgive you.” Now Junno was the one who talked and I had enough.  
“All of you exactly behave like seven years ago!”  
They stopped laughing and looked at me suspiciously and Kazuya raised his eyebrown before asking: “Why 7 years? Not 10?”  
“B-because 7 years ago was our break the records concert, that’s something I could never forget…and I dreamed of it actually.” I stuttered.  
“Really? What happened in your dream?” Tatsuya asked now.  
“I travelled through time, trying to change the past but it didn’t work and then I learned for what I really was there.” They all looked at me like they’re expecting for more, but I decided to keep it a secret, I couldn’t tell them anyways since Junno and Tatsuya would know about me and Kazuya then.  
“I don’t think that we are like 7 years ago.” Junno said.  
“Yeah we kind of matured, but kept the heart of our younger selves alives.” Tatsuya added.  
“Matured? You think so?” I asked.  
“Yeah of course. You and Kame are the best example for it. Finally being honest with your feelings. I clearly remember how Tatsuya, Jin, Koki and I were always careful about being passing certain curtains at our break the records concert.” Eh? Am I still dreaming? What’s Junno talking about? Do they knew from the beginning on? But what did he mean with being honest with our feelings?  
“Oh my god, yeah I remember too!” Tatsuya said now. “And then just before the show started, Maru came running into the dressing room, holding Kazuya’s hand and screaming: We are dating now!” They all three started to laugh and let me speechless.  
“Eh?”  
“Maru, don’t tell me you forget how Kazuya and you became boyfriends.” Tatsuya asked me in a teasing way.  
“B-boyfriends?”  
“Yuchi! Don’t joke around, or I’ll get mad! Don’t tell me you also forget the proposal?!” He didn’t mean it serious, did he, Kazuya started laughing again, so he definetly made a joke.  
“I proposed to you?!” I asked screaming and they finally stopped laughing again.  
“Yeah…that’s why we’re wearing those rings on our fingers…?” Kazuya hold his hand up now to show me the silver ring on his ringfinger and then I looked at my hand, I had the same one!  
“W-we married?”  
“That’s impossible in Japan you know that. They are more symbolic. But Maru why do I have to tell you this? You can’t tell me you really forgot? Cut that out!” Kazuya sounded angry now.  
“I’ll explain you, if you can answer me one question.” I said. All of them nodded, even if I just asked Kazuya, my fiancé…okay that’s crazy.  
“At the day of the break the records concert, did you tripped over a stone and injured your ankle?” I could sense that all of them thought about it as a really stupid question but still, they answered “no.” at the same time.  
“Okay then the dream last night was no dream. I really travelled through time!” Of course, like their 7 years younger selfes, they started to laugh, telling me I should get more sleep.

Our appearance on music station, was fun but also sad. When we started to sing ‘kimi no yume boku no yume’ Kazuya and I really had to hold our tears, Tatsuya though couldn’t hold them and started to cry a little on the stage.  
But between all this tears, we also had smiles on our faces, honest smiles. Time doesn’t stop, we all grow up, those days from 7 years ago are in the past and I will always keep them in my heart, cherish and protect those memories. 

Back at my home I learned that it was Kazuya’s home too, yeah we already lived for four years together, apparently.  
We ate together and got ready for bed. Kazuya just brushed his teeth when I laid down, staring at the ceiling and thought about the time travel.  
“Kazuya?” I said, causing Kazuya to come from the bathroom to our sleeping room.  
“Yes?”  
“I know it sounds crazy…but I really travelled through time.” He walked back to the bathroom, finished his tooth brushing and joined me on our bed.  
“Okay, I believe you.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah. Tell me more.” I gulped and then took him in my arms, his head was on my chest now and I started to fondle his hair.  
“I was depressed about how things turned out for Kat-Tun and wished to travel back in time. But regardless of what I did, I couldn’t change the past and then I kind of found out, that changing the past from others is impossible, but I could change mine.” Kazuya didn’t say anything, waiting for me to continue.  
“You know in my ‘reality’, yeah I just call it like that, we never said to each other ‘I love you’ and I certainly didn’t proposed to you and you had a girlfriend, today should have been the last day of our affair.” I explained.  
“But we said it to each other at the…break the records concert.” He liftet up his head to be able to look at me and I nodded.  
“Yup that was me, the 32 years old me.”  
“So the reason why you could prevent me from injuring my foot, was because you already knew…” he murmured.  
“Yes. I’m so glad I managed to change the past, because now I’m with you and we’ll be together for ever. It’s a pity that I can’t remember my proposal to you though…Did I do something romantic?” I asked, making Kazuya chuckle.  
“You did it in the Nakamaru Yuichi way.” Kazuya said.  
“Huh?”  
“You had an awful timing and you talked a lot before you actually asked.” I smiled.  
“Sounds like my confession from 7 years ago.”  
“Well it was like your confession!” Kazuya groaned.  
“What do you mean with that?” Somehow I got an unpleasant feeling.  
“You asked me right before we wanted to have sex actually.” I bite my lip, but couldn’t surpress a little grin. “I’m sorry…?”  
“It’s okay, because after I said yes, we had the best sex ever.” Now I was really mad that I couldn’t remember everything, especially the good sex.  
“If it was so good, let’s do it again.” I suggest.  
“Not today I’m tired since we aren’t in our twentys anymore let’s sleep.” And with that Kazuya already fell asleep, snoring against my chest.  
I never believed in something like fate. Because the future changes every second, with every decision we make.  
But for me there was a chance to change the decision I made several years ago and I promised to myself that I’ll make the best out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished! I think I should take the smut tag out of the descriptin since there was only a handjob scene, I'm sorry. 
> 
> This short fanfiction was kind of my statement.  
> Taguchi Junnosuke is an idol yes, but he's also a man who wants to do what makes him happy.  
> For ten years he showed us his precious smile and did everything to let appear such smiles on the faces around him.  
> And it broke my heart when I read so many hate comments against Taguchi, just because he's leaving.  
> If you truly are a fan of his, then just wish him the best and accept that time doesn't stay still.
> 
> So enough of that.
> 
> Hope you liked my fanfiction, comments are loved to be seen and read.  
> ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it ^^   
> It supposed to be a one shot but then I wrote too much, so I made 5 short chapters.
> 
>  
> 
> *whisper* comments? *whisper*


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